And You Are...?

Being new to the blogging world, you could imagine my surprise to find out that Ms. Claus likes to get a little wasted tipsy drinking spiked eggnog and David Spade is still alive. In celebration of these two astronomical discoveries, I decided to participate in a "bloghop" that involves them both.

"And You Are?" is a Blogfest Q & A created by Emily King & Tammy Theriault by way of Ms. Claus. Check out their blogs for more information and to see the list of bloggers trying to get on the Claus' nice list and win presents. And you all know me, I can't resist something for free. Below are my answers. Remember, judge not, lest ye be judged...with my fist!

1. How many tickets have you gotten? I cannot even begin to answer this question. If you only want to count the tickets with possible criminal charges, then only one. If you count only speeding tickets that do not involve speed cameras...maybe six. If you count all speeding tickets, only, including those that illegally inpede on my 4th amendment right to privacy by taking an image of my privately owned vehicle while I privately mind my own damn business, I would say...maybe 50. Now if you want to count parking tickets, tickets from backing into cars and trying to leave, and tickets for DWBing (driving while black) then we are talking about a numerical anomaly that cannot be expressed with the digits available on my keypad. To my defense, I do live in the metro DC area (nuff said).

2. Can you pitch a tent? Hell no! Black people don't go camping.

3. What was your worse vacation ever? Hmm...I got to think about this one. I guess it would be riding on a bus forever from Virginia to Florida to finally get down there and be caught in the middle of hurricane Andrew.

4. What was the last thing you bought over $100? *checking bank account* It appears that the last thing I purchased with real money (i.e. not the imaginary money available on credit cards) that was over $100 were people...to come clean my house.

5. We're handing you the keys to what? A new house that is going to accommodate two growing children, a dog, and two parents who like 5 Guys way too much!

6. What was the last meal you cooked that made even you sick? This should be an easy question since, for the past several months, everything seems to make me sick. However, I haven't cooked anything in three months either, so, the answer to this question is: I don't know. It is quite possible that the last time I ever cooked anything that made me sick was in 2003 when I tried to eat canned asparagus.

7. Fill in the blank: Oh my gosh! Becky look at her butt! It is so big. She looks like ____ what I have always wanted to look like. I got a pancake booty, homegirl needs to give me some of that cake!

8. What was your first car? I don't know where my father got this car from, but it was a white 80's aged Buick of some sort that he called Bessie. I think I had Bessie all of two months before I sideswiped a box truck on my way to school (I do not reccomend lotioning your legs while driving). 

9. Your best friend falls & gets hurt. Do you ask if he/she's okay or laugh first? Depends on which friend it is...but more than likely I would ask if she is okay first.

10. What's the worse song ever? This

This was fun, although now the whole world knows I am a terrible driver. Hope you enjoyed getting to know me. Now, Ms. Claus...hand over that loot!